Humbled and Surprised

Gentle visitors,

When the news hit yesterday morning, your humble Contributor was even more humbled than normal -- he had been nominated for the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize!  To say that he was surprised would be true, but only in the sense of "he surprised himself," since the nomination came from his own hand. 

In any case, here is the text of the nomination.

October 9, 2009

Norwegian Nobel Committee 
Olso, Norway

Distinguished & Noble Norwegians:

I write to nominate myself for the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize.

I realize that your rules forbid any person from nominating himself for this illustrious honor, and that I am not a "qualified nominator."  Believe me, I understand how your Committee would exclude me, in my abject humility and inconsequence, in favor of, say, a member of the U.S. Congress or a learned Professor, who, just by virtue of such an honored office, has exhibited the requisite level of nobility and repute to merit the Committee's attention.  For the reasons set forth below, however, I would ask that the Committee waive these requirements in my own case.

I also realize that this nomination would appear premature and presumptuous to say the least.  With regard to the timing of this nomination, coming some weeks or months before deserving nominees, I am inspired by the current Nobel Peace Laureate: for he came to power in the great land of Chicago, where the electors are encouraged to vote early and often, to bring great tributes to their leaders in order to lay asphalt for the camino real, etc.

With regard to presumption, I can only say that this is very strength of my application. 

No fair review of my life would lead any rational or thoughtful Norwegian -- or, if you would forgive me, any Scandinavian whatsoever -- to believe that I have brought peace to any human, much less global, situation. Instead, it would be fair to conclude that I have brought rancor, dissent, tumult (not to mention turmoil, turbulence, clamor, hubbub, and even hullabaloo).  Moreover, I have generally done so with a particular boorishness and alarmingly distasteful sense of "humor" -- although, I use the last term very loosely.  Furthermore, these disturbances have involved only the most pedestrian, mundane, and provincial matters -- none have concerned great matters of state or of peoples.

Still, I have found myself thinking of peace of late -- that is, within the last few hours.  This morning, I began to long for it and wish for it, over a coffee and biscotti; I then brought these peaceful thoughts to my friends and co-workers, who, sadly, have the habit of ignoring my observations; and, I intend to bring this wishful thinking to the nation and to the world and beyond.  My message, from my heart, under its current disposition, shall be this:  "Give Peace a Chance."

Your awards over the last few years have demonstrated that a laureate need not have accomplished anything of lasting value -- indeed, his accomplishment may be a mere chimera.  In your inscrutable wisdom and foresight, however, you have rightly determined that reality must bow to possibility -- even the most illusory and imaginary.

I would submit that my own curriculum vitae presents the very best case for a plaudit fashioned from your majestic tundra -- having done nothing to promote peace, but wishing fervently that it might be otherwise, etc. 

Sage and generous Norwegians, I can assure you that the award money will be applied as a stimulus to my mission and my lifestyle -- springs at Cannes, summers at Lake Como, winters at St. Moritz, a cruise along your famous fjords, and so forth.

In conclusion, I commit this nomination to your careful consideration (with the requested rule waivers, as previously noted).

Your humble and obedient Contributor,

Remainderman

Comments

[Blue Clinkers]

Eloquently put, Remainderman. You have my vote. Peace.