Monthly Financial Report

TO:  Chair, Finance Committee, Hereunder Institute for Random & Transitory Scribbling (HIRTS)

SUBJECT:  Earnings Report for the Period of February 23 - March 22, 2006

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In accord with the Committee resolution of February 23, 2006, Hereunder instituted a voluntary contribution scheme for its itinerant but loyal visitors.*   The resolution called for periodic reports on earnings, projections for future earnings, and suggestions for the best expenditure of such earnings.

During the period from February 23 to March 22, 2006, Hereunder received a total of $0 in voluntary contributions, of  which $0 were attributable to on-line credit card payments, $0 were attributable to automated PayPal payments,  and $0 were attributable to checks or cash submited via the mail. 

Given these numbers, the Earning Subcommittee feels confident in the following earnings projections:

Next Month -- $0.00

First Full Quarter -- $0.00

First Full Year -- $0.00**

The Subcommittee would recommend that none of the non-existent earnings be expended at this time.

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* The committee resolution was undertaken upon the basis of a survey of our visitors, commissioned by the Committee, the findings of which indicated that 1) 98% of the visitors to the site described themselves as willing to pay some money for good literature, 2) 95% of the visitors to the site would describe themselves as of above-average intelligence,  and 3) 95% of the visitors admitted that their literary tastes ran to the infrequent, the inconsequential, and the un-amusing (the other 5% responded that they visited the site by accident and felt injured byt it), and 4) all of those admitting to such perverse literary tastes also admitted that this would properly be described as a severe affliction that would likely require a long course electro-convulsive therapy to reverse.

** One member of the Subcommittee dissented from these projections, believing that, in fact, the earnings would actually wind up as a deficit, if and when visitors figured out how to make a negative contribution.  Our technical staff has assured us that this is not possible.

Comments

[panasianbiz]

I stumbled upon this site as I was in the process of doing some online research. I started reading this, thinking it was a serious financial report, and I ended up roaring with laughter. Quite clever!