Don Castagnari lit his cigar, puffed several times, then took it from his mouth and looked at the glowing end. Before him sat Luigi "The Lip" Pigini.
"Lip, I asked you to come in because -- go ahead, have a cigar -- because I need you to do a piece of work for me."
The Lip took a cigar and sniffed the length of it. "Of course, boss ," he said, patting his pockets for a lighter, "Uh..., may I ask who dis guy is."
The Don puffed slowly. "Roselli. Enrico Roselli. He spent a long time in the pen down in Alabama of all places. God knows how he got pinched down there. Anyhow, he got out, and now he's back."
The Lip eyed the lighter at the Don's right hand. "Roselli...Roselli.... I don't know da name, boss."
"He's old news. Small time. Used to do some work for Gabbanelli and Giustozzi."
"Okay," said The Lip, alternatively mouthing the unlit cigar and regarding it with feigned satisfaction.
"He's been back for a while now, but he hasn't come in to see me." Castagnari leaned forward in his leather chair. "It's a matter of honor, Lip. A man comes back after many years away, then doesn't come to see me." He shook his head. "It's disrepect."
"Absolutely," said The Lip. "Boss, you want I should use concertina wire for this."
"No," said The Don, "You can use a concertina, but don't pop him. I'll give him a pass this time. Just put the squeeze on -- somethin nice, like, maybe, a Palermo polka."
"Uh, boss, no disrespect, but how about a Siracusa sonata. Sounds kinda, you know, melodeon."
"Whatever. Just make sure his, shall we say, 'bass keys' don't work for a while."
The Lip gripped his cigar between his fingers. "Ha! Dis guy'll be singin real high."
The Don exhaled a long stream of smoke. "Yeah. Like a soprano."
"Boss," The Lip laughed, "You kill me... I mean figurative like." Then, he quickly kissed The Don's ring and exited.
The Don looked at his cigar and sighed. "You can't find good buttons anymore."
***
For a complete listing of terms, see here, and for brands, see here.
Remainderman: i do this thing in your honor, and i get no comment. disrespect.
Palinurus: what?
Palinurus: I'm not stupid.
Palinurus: Not like people say!
Palinurus: I want respect!!!
Palinurus: You mean “The Honor of Don Castagnari”?
Remainderman: yeah. that thing.
Palinurus: [reading post]
Palinurus: I feel isolated and marginalized,
Remainderman: good
Remainderman: that was the intent
Palinurus: hate speech
Remainderman: no, no – it's apparent i love my characters
Palinurus: 2 stereotypes
Palinurus: mobsters and tailors
Remainderman: don't forget -- fruit sellers and stone masons
Palinurus: why not put a landscaper in there and few guys in guinea t shirts with wine stains and you'll be all set
Remainderman: good idea
Remainderman: but, these guys are accordion manufacturers or accordions - not clear
Palinurus: my "family" may be hurt by this
Remainderman: why? - they love accordions
Remainderman: who doesn't love accordions?
Remainderman: are you tellin me you don't love accordions?
Palinurus: tetherball-playing, accordion music-dancing, wine-stained t-shirt wearing, hand-waving, greasy Italians
Palinurus: is that it?
Palinurus: do I have it right?
Palinurus: garlic eating
Remainderman: hmmm.... i hadn't made all those connections before
Palinurus: I forgot
Palinurus: hairy
Palinurus: Among all other smears, anti Italian smears stand alone, in that we are the one group that is attacked by those who feel inferior, rather than superior, to us
Remainderman: i feel small
Palinurus: It is a futile attempt to bring us to the common level
Remainderman: true
Remainderman: you've unmasked me
Palinurus: and to think we are on the cusp of that great Italian feast day
Palinurus: St Joseph's Day
Palinurus: the Great Italian
Remainderman: check your notes - he’s Jewish
Posted by: Transcription Service | Tuesday, March 08, 2005 at 01:55 PM
Reminds me of the recently-passed Johnny Carson who defined an "optimist" as "an accordian player with a beeper."
Posted by: palinurus | Tuesday, March 08, 2005 at 04:26 PM
It's hard to tell which is better; "The Honor of..." or the comments.
Posted by: Harry | Wednesday, March 09, 2005 at 10:28 AM